xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
