I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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