my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
