Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
