I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
