So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
