And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
