What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
