As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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