I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
