so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
A+ Viking dick
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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