When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
