haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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