Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
