Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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