We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
