So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
