This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
