umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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