My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
