Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
