i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
