Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
