I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
