I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
