you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
