he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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