If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
