I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
