you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
