the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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