I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
