i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
