I think im going to throw up on grandma
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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