This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
