mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
