you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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