I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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