i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
