3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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