420 ftw
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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