its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
