hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
