wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
