she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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