I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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