my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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