Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
