Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
