The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Come share oat with me in your robe
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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