Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
