After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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