So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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