somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
