Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
