If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
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