bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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