Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize