Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Randomize
