I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
