If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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