Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
