cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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