Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
