You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
