Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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