Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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