Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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