no, he came in my armpit
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
