i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize