I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My bed smells like the plague
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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