How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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