I cockslap morals
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
