he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
