If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
