I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
