The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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