I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
