that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The police scanner is talking about you again....
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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